I don't want this, I think
by drarryandphanaremyotps
Summary: Mr Howell is very handsome; with his stunning body and chocolate brown eyes, he never fails to make me smile. But when he ravishes me; I don't know what to do. Can I continue to avoid him, probably not.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I AM RE-WRITING THE ENTIRE FIC. So it will remain similar plotline. As always amazing readers R&R**

I sat down, dreading the next day; start of the school year. It wasn't as if my holidays were terribly exciting, my parents just coming for a week then they left claiming I was a "big boy" I was starting in my later year of school after all. It wasn't that much fun living by yourself no house parties just marathons of Doctor Who, Sherlock and sometimes Harry Potter. I knew the memories were too hard for my father to bare, my mother had died little over a year ago and he'd remarried and toured the world since.

I shut my eyes and drifted off to sleep

* * *

The next morning was freezing, I got up, showered and took the bus to school still half asleep went to my first lesson. Mr Howell, he'd taught us last year and was actually quite good. He then droned on about classroom rules nothing that we didn't know I found myself doodling on my sketch pad, none of the teachers found anything wrong with this, I'd read further on than they had taught and knew almost everything. I felt someone stood behind me, I turned around and met his chocolate-brown eyes and he smirked at me, probably wanting to catch me off guard.

"Yes, sir?" I asked innocently.

"Well Phil why are you not paying attention like all the other students?" He asked, sitting down next me.

"I've already far ahead and I don't see any point in listening when I already know everything you're talking about." I replied, quietly closing my sketch book, that was private. He noticed but didn't comment.

"How far ahead have you actually read?" He asked. I explained that I'd read the entire syllabus, I was used to teachers challenging me, most of them let me be passing it off to my mother's death.

"I would like it if you pretended to listen and not just flat-out ignore me." He commented. I blushed and he walked off leaving me to my drawing.

He then droned on about Pythagoras, I payed a bit of attention so he didn't catch me of guard. I looked back at my sketch and it wasn't anyone familiar to me, I glanced and realized how similar it was to Mr Howell, I blushed. I'd a little crush on him since last year but he was my teacher. I blushed at the thought of kissing him; he probably tasted of raspberries and vanilla- how he smelt. He was my teacher for Christ sake. Why was I thinking of him, like that. He probably was taken or straight. The lesson flew by and he asked me to stay behind. I looked at him confused as I didn't think I did anything wrong. He called me to his desk, I packed my stuff and I walked to his desk and asked him what was up. He walked closer to me until I was pinned against the wall.

"Philip Micheal Lester you are such a tease," he whispered in my ear giving me goosebumps, "I saw the desire in your eyes today." I tried to push him off me but he was too strong.

He stared into my eyes, his intense look sending shivers down my spine. His lips met mine and he ran his hands in my hair. He did taste like raspberries and vanilla. What the fuck was I saying? He was my teacher. I shoved him of me. He looked at me and smirked.

"Phil, no matter how hard you suppress it, you will come running back." He whispered. I then give him the finger and ran out the classroom.

Jesus he had messed with my head.


	2. Chapter 2

I ran home breathing heavily. Jesus I should have taken the bus. I saw a familiar face and realized it was PJ.

"Peej you were not meant to be back for another week." I exclaimed, hugging him.

"Don't you want to see me," he laughed, "Mum decided to come back early and I went to visit you but you weren't in, and now you come home looking ravished, is there something you're not telling me." I blushed and opened the door.

"Well there is something..." I muttered.

"What is it, I promise I won't tell anyone, scouts honor." He said. I then told him about what happened and he chuckled.

"Phil I actually expected this, especially considering how he looks at you." Peej laughed.

"Peeeeej you are not meant to be supporting him, he practically molested me." I blushed, thinking of what he did, how he kissed me.

"Phil, you are impossible, plus Mr Howell is pretty fit I'd have him if I wan't with Chris. Shame he's in London at the mo, we would have amazing double dates." He added.

"Ugh Peeeeej, he is my teacher for god's sake. I'm sure he won't do anything again." I didn't realise how wrong I was.

* * *

The rest of the day passed far too quickly with Peej teasing me about my "crush." I was dreading going to maths.

"Well class I have written a new seating plan." He then proceeded to tell us where we were sitting.

"Phil, here." He pointed to the seat right at the front and opposite the teachers desk the tables were touching we were close, too close. Peej winked at me and I glared at him. I gathered my things and went to the front.

"Today we are going to have an assessment don't worry these are just to see where you are up to." Mr Howell said. He gave them out one by one his fingers brushed mine and lingered for a second too long then he sat down at his desk I began to answer the questions on the paper they were pretty easy. His chocolate brown eyes sparkling with mischief. I discreetly pushed my chair backwards leaving a gap between me and the desk. I wasn't taken any chances. I caught Peej's gaze and he laughed and looked away. I felt my phone vibrate and I checked it, there was a text from Peej it said 'Seems that he's still interested, he is quite blatantly staring at you, lucky most the class are nerds that love tests.' I replied 'whatever, I really don't care and remember Peej you have a man.' Just then Mr Howell's gaze fell upon me, great.

"Phil may I have your phone, this is a test and you will receive an hour detention." He smirked and then proceeded to read through my texts, he would see what Peej sent. The gods were not smiling on me today. I saw Peej smirk at me, he then started to use his phone and a blind eye was turned to him. I then turned and saw Mr Howell still looking at my phone, he'd better not read any of what I'd written. I banged my head against the table and let it rest there. I really hoped that he didn't bring it up, he wasn't stupid enough to say it in front of the entire class but if he did after everyone had left, I would probably die; and the fan art. My face went bright red and I sighed, this year wasn't of to an amazing start. The lesson finished and Peej sauntered over to me.

"I won't wait up but when you're home, please give me a ring, I want all of the juicy deets." He laughed and skipped off, he was a little insane but made a great friend.

"Well, Phil I can't say you are not a good artist/writer and you did a great job of making me incredibly horny." He whispered, his voice always gave me shivers.

"I did read what PJ sent you, see even he sees what we have." He added after pausing.

"I can't wait until I fuck you raw, hear you calling my name." He said caressing my cheek, "why are you going against this, I can tell you want this, your eyes are clouded with lust, your body is shaking and your dick is hard." He whispered. He then kissed me, harder than before. He pinned me against the wall, his mouth attacking my neck, giving me hickeys that would last for days. I moaned against him and felt his chuckle against me. My mind began to clear and I forced him off me. He let me go.

"Phil, I've put my number in your phone, I hope that you'll ring me. Plus I live down the road from you." He winked and let me go. I sighed officially more confused than ever. I knew I'd ring him sooner or later. I checked my phone and he saved himself as "lover" Jesus we not together, but I wanted us to be. Where did that thought come from? I waited for the bus, taking a different route; Peej's parents were out today and I needed advice and quick.

**A/N I hope you enjoyed it. :P read and review please.**


	3. Chapter 3

I knocked on Peej's door and waited for him to answer. He opened it and burst out laughing and gestured me to come in. I threw myself on the sofa.

"Wow, Phil he certainly is a passionate lover." Peej said, stiffing his laughter.

I threw a pillow at him.

"Tell me about it." I said. Then proceeded to tell him what happened.

"Wait, he saved himself as 'lover' in your phone" Peej, exclaimed. I nodded, showing him the proof. I sighed.

"I am very, very confused Peej. I thought he just wanted me as a fuck buddy/boy toy but when he saved himself as 'lover' it's clear that he wants something more. I don't know..." I huffed.

Peej looked at me thoughtfully. "It seems my dearest friend you are what they called in denial and incredibly love sick. I only Chris was here to see this, I swear we both thought you were Asexual but then I found your drawings and found out that you're gay," he laughed.

"I guess I am kind of in denial, the past year we got on really well and I wanted something more but he claimed I 'wasn't ready.'

_Flashback._

_"S-s-sir Can I ask you something." I stuttered._

_"'course you can Phil." He replied._

_"Why do you look at me like you want to ravish me then look away?" I asked_

_"I really do want to Phil, you have no idea how much I want to kiss you. But you're too young and not ready." He whispered. I collected my stuff and walked out making sure to slam the door._

"I remember, you look adorable angry." Peej smirked.

"I do not." I hissed.

"So Philip what are you going to do. I suggest texting him, you do have his number after all and it's Saturday tomorrow, starting school on Friday has screwed with my head a little." Peej commented, "My 'rents are out-of-town for the weekend, why don't you sleep over?" He asked.

"Sure, Movie marathons?" I asked, getting up to get changed. I'd stayed over more than enough times to have my own set of night-clothes here and toothbrush. It was my "second home." Peej nodded and went to get changed too.

* * *

I lay down on the futon and debated what to send to him. I really didn't know, why was this so hard we were very close last year but slowly drifted apart; now he wanted me I was pushing him away when I wanted him no, I needed him. Even though he had left me with a raging boner but still. I slowly typed 'hello dan, how're you?' and hit send.

I then put my phone on loud and got out my sketch book.

"You seem very engrossed in what your drawing." Peej commented. He laid down next to me.

"Hmm, I want it to look perfect, I forgot my watercolours at home. Do you have any?" I asked. He nodded and went to find them. I looked back at my sketch and smiled; it was my mother. I'd drawn this for a sense of closure and she looked perfect; with her sparkling blue eyes, pale skin and untameable hair, I was glad I inherited my father's straight hair. Peej found the watercolours and gave me his best brushes, I smiled Peej never gave these brushes to anyone except me, we had saved up for these together. Our parents were rich enough but we'd saved up a month worth of pocket money to buy these when we were starting high school.

Just then my phone bleeped and I picked it up trying not to get water on it.

"Oooo someone's boyfriend or lover shall I say is missing them." Peej smirked, "told you it's more than lust between you it's love."

I blushed, which I seemed to be doing a lot over the past couple days.

"What does it say Phil? Not anything dirty." Peej chuckled. I elbowed him.

"No it says 'I'm glad you remembered my first name and I am fine however how are you, I hope you parent's don't beat you up because of your hickeys.'" I read.

"Hmm well that's not that bad but he is reminding you about your make-out session but he's sneaky. I'll give him that" Peej said, running his hands through his hair. He only did that when he was nervous about something or upset. I typed out 'they are currently in Spain so I doubt they give a fuck also my dad would just congratulate me and ask who the lucky boy was. Peej on the other hand was a little surprised and laughed at my expense.'

"Peej what's up? Don't say not say nothing because I can tell." I asked looking at him straight in the eye.

He ran his hand through his hair again. "I just, I'm scared Phil. Chris texted me saying that 'I want a break' I don't want to relapse but I need Chris. I can not live without him." He sobbed.

I threw my phone on the sofa and hugged Peej he rarely cried, he was more important.

"Look at me Peej, Chris wasn't good for you in the first place, you had a toxic relationship and you deserve better plus Fred is very interested but I told him you were taken. But you do not have to be in a relationship, if you want enjoy being single." I said forcefully. Chris lead him on broke it off only to come crawling back a few days later.

"I-I-I suppose you are right, but I can't..." He broke of and sobbed. I just rocked him back and forth. It showed how close we were it had taken over 10 years to make this bond. Peej never let himself go like this only twice, when he was cheated on and when his parents had a major fight. I broke the cheater's nose and fractured his jaw; the detention was worth it plus my dad was proud. I wish he was here, he always knew what to do.

Peej slowly stopped sobbing and he opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off. "If you're going to thank me or apologise save your breath." I said.

He nodded and leaned against me. "I'd ask to go and make hot chocolate but I'm far too comfortable." He whispered, closing his eyes.

"As am I." I replied, "but I think we should lie down because I don't fancy waking up with a crick in my neck." He laughed and reluctantly detached himself from me and we lay down. I held him close and then fell asleep with thoughts of beating Chris up. No-one messed with my baby brother and got away with it.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up to realize that Peej had wondered off. I went to the bathroom and got changed. I then followed the sound into the kitchen.

"Hmmm, smells nice." I commented, grabbing a plate.

"There was some mix left over from yesterday." He said

We chatted

I sat down and began to eat. The doorbell rang and Peej went to go and get it. His parents walked through the door and stared at me for a second too long, I then realized I was covered in hickeys and I blushed a deep red.

"Hello Mrs and Mr Liguori." I said.

"Hello Phil, nice to see you so bright and early." She said.

"You too." I finished eating and got up.

"I've got to go, see you later Peej," I waved and gathered my stuff and put it into my bag and walked out of the door.

* * *

I walked home; it wasn't that called anyway. I opened the door and put my phone on charge. I switched the T.V and lay down I had another message. 'Haha I'm sorry about PJ laughing at you because of me, so are you home alone. It must get pretty lonely, maybe you could come over later.' He replied. I smiled 'It does get pretty lonely and I've got nothing to do so maybe I'll come over' I smiled. I did get a little lonely, but I was used to being alone. It was very peaceful and I got a lot paintings done. My phone then bleeped Dan only lived a couple blocks away and was apparently making pasta, I texted back 'I'll be there in a few' he replied back 'it's a date'. Wait, this was a date, the fuck had I gotten myself into. Oh well I was getting food out of it

* * *

I arrived at Dan's house in five-minutes I knocked on the door wrapping my coat around myself, it was pretty cold. Dan opened the door with a smile on his face.

"Hello Phil." He said gesturing for me to come in.

I sat on the sofa and looked around at the many paintings that decorated the wall and gasped they were actually pretty good.

"So you draw?" I asked my eyes scanning the walls.

"Yes I do and I like to think that I am pretty good at it." He laughed sitting next to me, I could feel his breath and almost taste his aftershave.

"Well I guess you're better than me." I said trying to move away. He laughed.

"Hmm well you are better than I was at your age and with practice you'll probably be better than me." He pointed out.

"Thanks but I spend way to much time drawing I always take great care with detail." I said thinking back to something that I spent 5 hours doing it was worth it though.

"It's better to do things slowly then rush through them." Dan commented.

"True." I replied. He then got up to go check on the food and I walked around marveled at the beauty of the room; the sofa was pitch black and the walls a deep red, the paintings were hung all over the room and a red and black rug was in front of the fire place. He stood in front of me and his breath tickled me and sent shivers down my spine.

"You look absolutely perfect today, you've no idea what I'd love to do to you that is if you agree." He purred into my ear, pinning me against . I hesitated.

"Do what you please." I whispered; hoping I didn't regret it. He looked at me eyes full of lust.

"I swear you won't regret it." He whispered. He softly put his lips against mine and I tangled my hands in his hair. He pushed me against the wall and held my arms above my head, making me submit completely. He nibbled my lips and I let out a soft moan. He broke the kiss off and looked at me with a questioningly I nodded. He pulled my shirt off and threw it.

"Hmm beautiful." He whispered. He then bit and sucked at my neck I moaned and grinded against him.

"Patience Phil." Dan chuckled.

"Don't tease." I whispered. He then shoved me against wall and kissed me harder and harshly pulled my hair he grinded against me making me gasp. I heard the fire alarm go off and Dan reluctantly detached himself from me.

"I think we just got cock-blocked by a fire alarm." Dan panted. He then ran to the kitchen swearing under his breath. I walked after him.

"I think that we should've stuck with takeaway." I said.

"Pizza?" He asked and I nodded.I followed him to the living room. He then ran upstairs telling me that he'd be down after he ordered pizza. I sat on the sofa pondering on what had happened.

**A/N R&R PLEASE **


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